Ever since I started writing when I was a kid, I always wrote stories that had a character named Sipho. I was a bit egotistic when I was younger. The idea of me fighting off aliens, stopping terror plots, and arresting the worst criminals was quite invigorating. As the years went by and I got lonelier, these stories starring “me” became less pure escapism and more self-esteem boosters. You see, the number of friends I had over the years went down and in turn my self-confidence. With fewer people to talk to, and even less to back me up whenever I got in a bad situation, I turned to my writing for refuge. The “Siphos” I wrote were those of high importance and high confidence.
One of my earliest stories was a fanfiction trilogy of the video game Resistance 2. This Sipho was a Captain in the military, leading the fight against the Chimera, a hostile alien force that invades the United States. People relied on him and looked up to him to give them hope. Another story I wrote was a zombie apocalypse starring a Sipho who was a cop in Washington, DC. He was a Dirty Harry type who was feared by criminals and respected by his peers. Sipho Morgess, the protagonist in Armored Piercing, was a Captain in the Canadian army who led a group of rogue soldiers to pursue a shadow organization. He was viewed as a legend by some and an astute leader by others.
Do you notice the pattern? Each Sipho is in a leadership position and has people who rely on and look up to him. They are also the heroes who go to great lengths to fight evil and save the day. I always wished I had those characteristics. Each Sipho also had a group of friends or colleagues they could turn to for help. I never had such a support system in real life. With almost no friends around, no one needed me for anything and no one was there for me when I needed help. I felt pretty insignificant in high school. Barely anybody had any interest in what I had to say. The opposite was true in my stories.
Armored Piercing has been such an important series to me over the years. Almost ten years ago, I created Sipho Morgess. This Sipho was the most complex one yet. Of course, he was a leader and a very capable soldier. However, what separated him from the others was that he could fail. For example, near the end of book one (spoilers), Morgess fails to defeat Conrad Jones and he actually escapes. In book two (to come at a later date), he takes some serious losses. The uplifting aspect was that Morgess always bounced back. The earlier Siphos almost never lost a confrontation. Morgess was the first to go through a mix of wins and losses. The losses would motivate him to get his other wins down the road.
It’s inspiring to see a protagonist triumph over their enemies, but it’s more inspiring to see them triumph over their personal failings. Not everyone fights off zombies, aliens, or shadow agents. Everyone does have to deal with the mistakes they make or the failings of their goals. This is why people resonate with flawed characters and not so much with perfect ones.
I haven’t been that successful in my life. I feel like a failure most of the time (though I’m young so there’s still time for me to turn things around). But whenever Sipho Morgess succeeded in an objective or bounced back from a failure, I would feel more whole. I have come to look up to him. When I felt nervous about a school presentation, I’d think about Morgess. His confidence and eagerness to confront an issue would help me get over my nerves. When I failed an exam, I’d think about Morgess. His determination to always get back up when he falls would help me gather myself and try harder on the next exam.
Sipho Morgess is what I aspire to be (minus the killing). I know I will never be as great as him or the other Siphos I created, but I can try to be the best that I can be. Whether or not I someday find success in the self-publishing business or somewhere else, I will try to become someone I can be proud of.